Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.

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It is the journey, not the destination that matters. Here I describe the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of my labour, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth. My firstborn child, a son, was born in June 2010. Ewan’s birth was far from the ‘perfect’, natural birth I had envisaged, prepared for and naively believed I would have. Instead, I gave birth by emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic. Lying unconscious, I missed the first three hours of my son’s life, and then spent the next few days too ill to care for my son, recovering in hospital.

My suffering, the pain, trauma and long period of postnatal recovery were far outweighed by the child standing before me. My son was born a very healthy little boy, who nursed like a dream. Our first meeting was indescribable, as I instantly felt overwhelmingly attached to my son, an outpouring of unconditional love which knew no bounds.

Now, almost two years on, I can reflect on and celebrate this profound experience, cherishing the joy of labouring naturally, even though I could not in the end birth naturally. In this post I share the period before the second stage of labour, holding these hours up with strength, pride and happiness for all to see.

Labouring actively

In the early stages of labour I felt calm and prepared, first swimming to help relieve the pain of my contractions, then listening to Buddhist chanting music at home while rhythmically swaying on the birthing ball. Reluctantly I travelled with my husband to hospital, where I laboured naturally in an active birthing suite for twelve or so hours. In those first hours in hospital I was allowed the freedom to roam the room, trusting my body to move where it pleased, in and out of yoga poses I’d practised for months. Those were pleasant, quiet hours, chatting softly to the midwife and my husband.

As my waters broke with traces of meconium, those hours of bodily freedom were suddenly curtailed. Instructed to move to the bed, I was strapped up to a foetal heart-rate monitor, the reason, in-case my baby was in distress. Dutifully I submitted to this practice, distressed and frustrated but adamant I would continue to labour as naturally and actively as possible.

Body consciousness

Kneeling on the bed, leaning on the birthing ball, I closed my eyes. They did not open for five or so hours. In this new found darkness I was able to shut-off the constant, unwelcome chatter that was my intellect. Like chattering monkeys my intellect doubted, questioned, panicked  and shouted. It told me this was the end, I was a failure, I could not birth my baby naturally in this restrictive position. For some time I wrestled with these thoughts, as the pain of my contractions worsened.

Nature then gave me a precious gift, the ability to close off this conscious mind, allowing me the space and time to retreat inwards into that other, more instinctive, body consciousness. In this new, welcome space I entered a new level, lifted out of the humdrum of everyday life for a few precious hours. This time became the longest, most profound of my life so far. They stand apart as my only true experienced period of meditation.

Riding the waves

Turning inwards allowed me to forget the outside world, the invasive, clinical, artificial room, bright lights and unfamiliar faces. This was my body talking, doing its work. I submitted and trusted it to work with my baby and the pain, to ride the contractions like waves, to accept and go with the pain as small steps towards the ultimate goal of giving birth. I felt each contraction building like a wave, reaching its peak, then crashing before dispersing into still waters. My voice and my body worked in unison together riding these waves, as from deep within me primitive sounds came unbidden, chanting as my body rocked from side to side. This music varied in pitch and tone alongside the contractions, offering relief and peace and an almost magical way to stay on top of the pain.

My protector

In this virtual cave my husband, Rich, stood by the entrance, guarding me from any wild predators that may at any moment may wrench me back into the everyday world, causing me to shut down my labour into defensive flight or fight mode. These wild predators were the medical staff who could unintentionally disrupt the flow and with it hours of focussed natural labouring. By massaging my lower back, the centre of my labour pains, Rich provided both physical relief and huge emotional support, his touch a reminder I was not alone.

His hands were the link to the outside world, to be alerted and called upon to act if and when necessary.

Like a tribal woman labouring in a familiar space, alone but with her midwife and family close by, or any other mammal finding a quiet, safe place in which to give birth, I laboured in my own space, the only one possible in this context, my inner world. Really living in the moment, questioning nothing, simply accepting the more frequent contractions and increasing pain, I worked on, communicating with my baby to move down the birth canal and out into the world to join me. We worked calmly together in this space, truly at one and in peace. The heart-rate monitor reflected this equilibrium; not until the cascade of interventions took place later on did either of our heart-rates alter or become a cause for concern. We felt no fear, we trusted our bodies, we knew this was right, we simply were.

Breaking the spell

What came next in this birthing journey is still massively painful to write about. Suffering birth trauma and huge feelings of failure for not achieving a natural birth live with me still. The new midwife on shift rudely interrupted me by saying;

‘You’re being very musical aren’t you?’

She violently broke this spell, somersaulting me back into the hospital room, with it a return of fear. The need for drugs hovered at the edges of my intellectual consciousness, falsely believing, as society has taught me to do, that they would ‘help help help’ this horrendous pain I cannot deal with anymore alone. As my husband wept I asked for drug after drug, all of which my body rejected, all of which failed to have any positive effect on me whatsoever, as did forceps which failed to wrench my baby out. Only general anaesthetic, and with it being unconscious, out of time and space, inert on a hospital bed, would my baby then join this world, motherless for the first three hours of his life as he nuzzled his father’s skin, searching for nourishment.

Nature’s gift

This medicalised, interventionist birth was a traumatic end to a part peaceful labour. However, dwelling on the negative overshadows the joy which hours of natural labour gave me. This time was nature’s gift; she afforded me hours of natural labour which I reflect upon with pride. She taught me one of life’s greatest lessons, that as women we must trust our bodies; unearth our instincts, simply go with the flow. This period has deeply affected me, the catalyst for a way of parenting and living which I never would have envisaged, a continuum, attachment style of parenting, connecting me more acutely with myself, my son and the earth we share.

From these beautiful beginnings, hampered by a violent but ultimately necessary second stage, I learnt to trust my mothering instincts, to keep my baby with me, to breastfeed, to sleep, to grow out into the world. He is still, twenty-four months later, a child who receives nourishment from my breast, comfort from my skin each night, security from my presence through each of his days and a dawning consciousness about his place in the natural world, one where I am teaching him to tread lightly and in peace.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)

• I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
• The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
• Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn’t what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
• The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
• Reflections on Jemma’s Birth … 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
• Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
• Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
• Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
• All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
• Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a “dream birth,” but she wouldn’t change a thing about her births.
• Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children’s births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
• Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn’t go ‘to plan’, and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
• Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children’s births, and tries to do the same with her sons’ birth stories.
• Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences… — Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
• Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
• Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist’s point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
• Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares the strength she didn’t realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
• becoming a mama – embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
• What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
• Be a Man: One Father’s View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband’s advice to other fathers and partners.
• A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
• Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn’t end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that “perfect” birth.
• Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
• Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
• Instinct – Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura’s Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.
• I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that’s one thing she can celebrate.
• Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn’t need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
• Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
• Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she’d really be most comfortable when the time came…
• Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn’t they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
• The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
• the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
• Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
• Birth Story: Part One – Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
• Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
• Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
• A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
• Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
• What’s to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
• What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child’s birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
• I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
• Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
• Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
• All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman’s Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
• A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
• Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
• Two Different Births — Cassie at There’s a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
• Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
• Little Sister’s Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn’t exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
• A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons’ births.